Trusting God is Hard!

Two Sundays ago the church I attend announced a One in a Million offering that will go towards church planting, making contacts with one million New Yorkers this year and special needs projects. I thought about how I could be a part of it. I haven't had a job since June when I left Haiti, so I don't have income to contribute.

I looked at the memory verse for this week, "They should be good in good works and should give generously to those in need, always being ready to share with others whatever God has given them." (1 Tim 6:18) I thought, well, the one thing God has given me is time. I can volunteer.

I've done quite a bit over the past few weeks whether for The Journey (my church) or for other organizations around the city. But, I still want to give money! I want to have a job with income so I can give money! Partly out of frustration and (in hindsight) partly as test for God, I thought, "Okay, God, any income I get this week will be yours." I had no idea how I would make any money.

When I arrived in New York last month, my friend Mary Anne asked if I'd gotten my economic stimulus payment. No, and I didn't expect to get one because I'd been living overseas so that probably disqualified me. She said I should check anyway. It so happens that my tax return was lost somewhere in the abyss between my office in Haiti and the weary federal worker charged with processing returns.

Mary Anne urged me to file again before the October 15 deadline and maybe I'd get $300 or more dollars. I was skeptical but did it anyway. Well, wouldn't you know, on that Monday I checked the status of my return and $300 was scheduled to be deposited in my account this past Friday. I also found my ideal job posted with the Clinton Foundation-- Program Coordinator for Haiti.

I gave the money joyfully on Sunday and thought to myself, "I just might be crazy, but God, I promised so here it is." On Monday night Mary Anne told me I need to move off her couch because she has relatives coming for the holidays. Eek! I need to find somewhere else to live! My underlying thought was, "I'm just going to trust God!"

This morning when I went to send my cover letter and resume for the job posted with the Clinton Foundation, the posting was no longer on-line!! Maybe they had already found someone even though the posting had only been up one week. I sent it anyway. It bounced back. I went on the website and found a different e-mail address and sent it again.

All day while I was volunteering at Doctors Without Borders and writing names on envelopes I kept saying, "I trust you, God. I trust you, God." partly as a mantra to not freak out. In 31 years He has never let me down. Why should I fret now?

I came home this evening and started looking for more positions to apply for. I checked my e-mail and found a request for an interview for this Friday for the position I applied for this morning! Amazing! I said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you" to God (and cried a little!).

I can't wait to see what happens next.